


Fire

by BastardSonOfDay (Diana_Raven)



Series: Bingo Prompts [3]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Truma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 02:37:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13044753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diana_Raven/pseuds/BastardSonOfDay
Summary: Azriel is afraid of fire, which is an issue as that's Lucien's main form of magic.





	Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Accidents
> 
> I read an amazing fic about how Azriel is afraid of fire and so that got me thinking...

It had been an accident.

The Inner Circle had been in the courtyard training, not an unusual sight as it was easy exercise and was necessary for Cassian, Azriel, Lucien, and Rhysand to keep up their images. Lucien and Azriel had been paired off since Rhysand and Cassian wanted to settle a bet (something about wingspan and Feyre… Lucien honestly hadn’t cared enough to listen). So there Lucien was, sparring with Azriel.

Morrigan and Elain had sat under a tree near the house, drinking lemonade and eating finger sandwiches.

Azriel had waved to them cheerfully. They’d waved back.

“Ready?” Azriel had asked. The Illyrian had seemed to emanate calm, his wings large and wide, his arms and legs loose.

Lucien had nodded, and they had begun. It wasn’t until about halfway through Azriel kicking Lucien’s butt that things had started to go wrong.

Lucien had decided to crack up his magic a notch, since Azriel’s Shadowsinging was beating him. So Lucien used an old trick from Autumn, from when he used to fight his brothers, he surrounded himself with a thin yet hot layer of fire, gauntlets of flame swirling around his body. He had attacked, his right hand flying past Azriel’s shadow shield and right into his face. Azriel, on instinct, had put up his hands and the edge of his sleeve had caught in Lucien’s magic, suddenly catching on fire.

Azriel had screamed, as anyone would.

Lucien’s eyes had gone wide, and with a clap of his hands around the burning material the fire had been absorbed into him, disappearing.

“Azriel, are you ok-?” Lucien had began, trying to make sure Azriel hadn’t been burned, but Azriel had given him a horrified look, and had disappeared. Smoke remained in the air behind him, blowing away in the wind.

Lucien had turned around, noticing that the scuffle had drawn the attention of the rest of the Inner Circle. “Where’d he go?” He asked them.

“Oh no...” Cassian breathed before he too winnowed away. Lucien turned to Rhysand to see that the High Lord was also gone, in pursuit of his friend, Lucien assumed.

It had been an _accident_.

Lucien turned to Morrigan, who’s hand was over her mouth. “Where’d they go? What just happened?” Lucien asked, crossing the distance to Mor and Elain quickly.

Morrigan looked at him, eyes wide. “Lucien, Azriel is afraid of fire.”

And Lucien laughed. He honest to the Mother _laughed_.

But Morrigan wasn’t laughing.

Lucien stopped laughing. “You’re kidding. Tell me you’re kidding.”

Morrigan shook her head, eyes wide. “Azriel is afraid of fire.”

“Why the _fuck_ didn’t anyone _tell_ me?” Lucien cried. “I’m not a complete jackass, you know! Fire is my _thing!_ ”

“We wanted to protect his privacy-”

“I have to find him. Mor, where would he be? I have to apologize.” Lucien looked at Elain, feeling her guilt from the bond. “Did _you_ know?” He asked, mortified.

“I don’t-His room I assume, I just thought-that scream I-”

Lucien winnowed away before Mor could finish her sentence.

* * *

“Az. Please let us in.” Cassian begged.

“Azriel, please.” Rhys added.

“Leave.” Lucien snapped, pushing the males out of the way.

Cassian balled a fist. “This is all your fault. If you could have just left that _Autumn_ where-”

“ _If someone could have told me, maybe I would have_.” Lucien snarled.

Cassian was about to say something he’d regret and Rhys stopped him with a hand on the shoulder, and a look that clearly said, ‘let’s see what he does’.

Lucien glared at the boys and slowly they backed away.

Lucien leaned his head towards the door and spoke softly enough he was sure that Rhys and Cass couldn’t hear but Azriel could. “Listen,” he began, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t know. Do… do you want to talk about it?”

Azriel said nothing from inside his room. Lucien glanced back at Cassian and Rhys and gave them another glare. Lucien waved his hands at them to shoo and with some wild gesticulating Lucien finally convinced Rhys and Cassian to leave the hallway.

Lucien sat down, back against the door. “Are you okay? Did-did I burn you? I’m sorry if I did.”

The room still stayed quiet.

“Boy.” Lucien said. “I sure hope you’re actually in your room, or all of this would be really awkward and useless.”

No response came. Lucien sat on the floor, and leaned his head and back against Azriel’s door. He sighed. “I’m really sorry.” Lucien said softly. “I never-I never want to scare anyone like that. At least, no one here. You guys are the closest things to family and friends I have anymore. I know you all just… put up with me for Elain and Feyre’s sakes, but still. You’ve all grown on me. Even you, Shadowsinger.”

Not even the faintest rustle of movement.

“If you need… anything, you know I’m here, right? I mean… I may not be as close to you as Rhys or Cass, but I can listen. If you need.”

Nothing.

Lucien muttered to himself, harshly. “This is useless.” It was. Azriel clearly didn’t want to talk to him or absolve him of guilt (not that that was completely why Lucien was there, he did want to make sure that the Illyrian was okay). Lucien banged his head gently on the door, the jolt of pain clearing his senses. He closed his eyes, and heard a faint click of a locking mechanism before he fell backwards and darkness swallowed him whole and the door slammed behind him.

Clearly Lucien was in Azriel’s room. But when he stumbled to his feet to look around he realized the entire area had been engulfed in darkness. He couldn’t even see his hands, no matter how close to his face he put them. There was no difference between closed lids and the world he was in now.

It was… very dark.

Lucien took a deep breath before calling into the black abyss, “ _Azriel?_ ”

No response.

“ _Az! Are you okay_?” He shouted.

Wind rustled and blew past him, fast as lightning. The darkness seemed to move and whisper.

 _Go away_. The darkness told him. _Go away. Go away._ _ **Go away.**_

So that’s how he was going to play this, huh?

“No.” Lucien said petulantly. “You brought me in here, so I’m staying.”

_**No one asked you to come.** _

 

_**Go away.** _

“No.” Lucien said again. He looked around though he knew there was nothing to see. He began to bend awkwardly, his hands moving in semicircles around him as he lowered himself so he made sure he wouldn’t hit anything. In this fucking darkness he couldn’t even see that. He had no concept of where the floor was until his hands hit it after which he began to lower the rest of himself until he was sitting cross-legged on what he assumed to be the floor of Azriel’s room.

 _No?_ Azriel hissed at him, the darkness moved closer and farther from him, flowing back and forth.

Oh yeah, this was going to give Lucien nightmares for _sure_.

“No.” Lucien repeated.

The darkness froze, unmoving. Lucien was tempted to light his hands, just to give him something to _see_ , but his magic was what got him into this mess, he was positive it wouldn’t get him out.

“Listen, Azriel. I just wanted to apologize. I… I didn’t know you were afraid of fire.”

 _ **I’m not afraid of fire**_.

“Oh, so all of this is just for shits and giggles?” Lucien snapped.

The darkness seemed to congeal around him, getting tighter and tighter. It pecked at his arms and torso, and it brushed against his neck and cheeks, whispering as it did.

Lucien steeled himself and continued. “Ar-” as soon as Lucien opened his mouth the shadows rushed in, twisting in his mouth and throat, burning down his esophagus and on its way to his stomach, clogging up his nose, choking him. Lucien tried to cough but couldn’t summon any air to cough with. He tried to cry out, but the shadows blocked his larynx too. He scrambled at his throat, clawing. Trying his hardest to make that stop.

He fell to the floor, slamming his hands on the ground. The sound they made was swallowed by the shadows engulfing him. Tears leaked from his eyes and his head went dizzy. He scratched his fingernails across the ground, the sound they made against the tile ear-piercing.

And just like that the shadows left him alone.

And before him stood Azriel, the Illyrian was the only thing he could see in the darkness. Azriel’s eyes were wide.

“I’m-I’m so sorry, Lucien! You need to leave! You have to get out of here! Before I do something worse!”

Lucien lunged at him, trying to grab his hand but Lucien’s hand went right through him, the area Lucien had hit disappearing in a puff of smoke. The image of Azriel began to dissolve.

“Azriel, _come back_!” Lucien shouted.

 _ **You shouldn’t have come.**_ Az’s voice said. Whispers in the darkness breathing repetitions of the sentence across his skin.

_You shouldn’t have come._

_You shouldn’t have come._

_You shouldn’t have come._

“Well, too late. I’m here now. And I’m not leaving.”

_**Go.** _

_Go!_ Those little voices repeated. _Go! Go! Go!_

“No. I’m-I’m staying here.” Lucien sat back down. “I’m sitting here in case you need me. I’ll stay here until you get out of this, and then I’ll leave. I don’t care if its a day, a week, a month, a year. I’m staying right here.”

_**Why** _

“Because, I need to make sure you’re okay. And, frankly, as long as you’re like this, you’re not okay. So I’ll stay here until you need to talk about it, or just for moral support, or whatever.”

There was no response at first and then: _**Get out**_.

“Nope.” Lucien said, stretching. He readied himself to start relaxing because he had a feeling he was going to be in this room for a very long time. “You let me in, now you must deal with the consequences.”

There was no answer. Five seconds. Ten seconds. Thirty seconds. A minute. Fine, he wasn’t going to talk? Lucien didn’t need to talk, either. Sure he liked to talk (boy did he ever like to talk) but he could listen and be sit still. He could be patient, if anything Jes had taught him _that_. So he sat and he waited.

The darkness became restless, ever so slowly rustling and moving around Lucien like water or leaves in a summer breeze. Lucien ran his long fingers in circles on the floor, swiveling them back and forth, drawing designs. The darkness moved past his hands, some of it slightly viscous. Lucien began to make shapes in the viscous darkness, it trembled when he did until finally he heard a soft, almost hidden giggle.

 _ **Stop.**_ Azriel said. Lucien froze, then slowly, experimentally, he continued and the giggling arose again.

 _It tickles._ Azriel said softly.

Lucien raised an eyebrow, about to do it again when the darkness retreated and a scream echoed around the room.

Lucien stumbled to his feet, consciously trying to keep his hands from igniting. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done tha-” Lucien began, trying to apologize. Azriel had told him to stop, and again this was his fault.

Azriel cut him off, stumbling into him. Eyes full of terror. He was still screaming, his wings withdrawn and frightened. His hands trembled. Two figures of darkness approached him from behind. Azriel told Lucien to run, begged him to run, but Lucien just stared at the figures as they got closer and closer. When they started to take shape, black wings protruding from shadow backs—Lucien pulled Azriel behind him.

The shadow figures pounced and Lucien curled up around Azriel’s shaking body, whispering that everything was going to be okay. Before the figures hit Lucien and Azriel they crumbled into smoke, falling away like snow and disappearing like mist. The air lightened, and for the first time Lucien saw the inside of Azriel’s room.

It wasn’t big. It had two doors besides the one to enter and exit. One which led to a balcony, one which led to a bathroom. The room also did not contain much, as if Azriel didn’t spend much time in it. A bed, four poster canopy—black silk with sparkling beads, imitating the night sky--, and a dresser. He had a handful of weapons that were neatly organized hung on the wall. The décor of the room was pretty simple, shades of grey and black with some white trim.

Azriel trembled in Lucien’s grasp. When Lucien moved his hands to Azriel’s back to rub it Azriel flinched. Lucien withdrew his hand.

“Is there anything I can do?” He asked.

Azriel continued to tremble, either unable or unwanting to answer.

“Do you want me to talk? I’m very good at that, you know.”

Azriel’s head moved in a nodding motion, but he still shook and he still didn’t answer verbally.

“I’ll take that as a yes, okay?”

No response.

“Um, my favorite time of year is winter, did you know that?” Still nothing. “I loved going to see Kallias because then I could be outside with the snow… I like snow. I like the cold and how it shocks me into life, you know? Spring… Spring was nice I guess. Once I got over my allergies that is. I was allergic to pollen. T-He figured out a spell to make sure I could stop sneezing.”

The shuddering seemed to stop.

“Do-do you want to talk about it?” Lucien asked.

Azriel shook his head.

“Okay. Do you want me to continue babbling?”

He nodded.

“Alright. Um, Viviane’s really nice, right? I knew her some _before._ She’s a terrible cook, I bet you didn’t know that. Yeah, Kallias is the cook in the relationship. And he loves wearing this horribly ugly sweaters that Viviane always complains about, you know. And-” Lucien froze. “Wait. Rhys doesn’t-Kallias always said they were from a friend. You don’t think that _Rhys_ made them, do you?” He asked horrified.

Azriel’s shoulders shook. Oh shit. Lucien hadn’t meant to-

Wait a second.

Was Azriel… _laughing_?

Lucien felt a smile come across his face. The laughter faded away and Lucien continued, now encouraged. “Man, I always thought they were so _ugly_. Poor Rhys. Unless Rhys _meant_ to make them ugly, then good on him, I guess. Anyway, Viviane and I actually became pretty good friends. She loved to gossip and well, I loved to hear gossip so… You know, I’m surprised Rhys kept all this secret for so long… he was always so bad at keeping secrets when I was a kid… Or… maybe he wasn’t and I was just an idiot. Who knows, that could have been it.” Lucien kept talking. He talked about everything, stories from his life, Court gossip, stories from his life _and_ Court gossip. He talked about Jesminda and he talked about Elain. He talked about Feyre and Rhysand. He talked about his favorite foods, his favortie colors, the best places to get a quick meal in Velaris. He talked and talked until he could talk no more. Then he just sat, and waited for his voice to come back so he could talk some more.

“Lucien.” His name cut through Lucien story of his Most Uncomfortable ConversationTM with Helion on negligee shops and their lack of men’s wear everywhere except Dawn Court.

“Yeah?” Lucien asked. At some point he and Azriel had moved to sit next to one another with their backs against the wall.

“Thank you.” Azriel said.

“For what?” Lucien asked.

Azriel smiled at him, staring at his own hands. “Talking me down. And saving me, if only slightly, from my memories.”

“Anytime, Shadowsinger.” Lucien paused. “Do… do you want to talk about it?”

Azriel brought his knees up to his chest. He rubbed his hands together. “Fire. It… reminds me of how it felt. They liked to threaten me with fire… a lot. And when I see it around someone’s hands… it shocked me how familiar it felt. Being burned.”

“I’m sorry. I should have… known.”

“It’s not your fault. I should have told you.”

Lucien didn’t know what to say. “My brothers used to burn me sometimes.”

Azriel looked shocked.

“When I was little. Around twenty, the first time, I think. I don’t remember them doing it earlier than that, but I may be wrong. Eris came in before they could do any real damage. They burned my hair. I had to regrow it out. Eris used to hold it over my head sometimes, used to say that he should have let me burn. That I wouldn’t have caused so much trouble if I had just burned away. That it would have been better.”

“He’s wrong.” Azriel said softly.

“Huh?”

“If you had burned away you wouldn’t have been here today. To help me.”

Lucien flushed. “I’m the reason you’re here in the first place.”

“You’re also the reason I calmed down as quickly as I did. Sometimes… I can rot for days in here. Being swallowed and swallowed and swallowed with no one to pull me out.”

“You relive it with your shadows?”

Azriel shuddered. “Sometimes. Other times…” He trailed off and didn’t elaborate. Lucien didn’t ask him to.

Lucien put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m always here. If you need me. Anytime.”

“Thank you, Lucien.” Azriel paused. “Sometimes it’s easier...”

“When it’s not Rhys or Cass?”

Azriel nodded.

Lucien stood and cracked his back. His butt had gone numb from the length of his sitting in one spot. He frowned and pulled back the curtains from the balcony door. He hissed and covered his eyes as daylight poured into the room. Azriel snickered.

“Could’ve warned me.” Lucien grumbled. “Wow. It’s still daylight. How long have we been in here? It felt like days.”

“It probably was.” Azriel said softly. “I think that’s tomorrow.” He said, nodding to the light.

“Come on, your brothers are probably worried about you.”

“Yeah… Thank you, again.”

“And no problem, again. Seriously, Azriel. Anytime.”

“Anytime.” Az agreed with a sharp nod of his head. Azriel held out a hand, and Lucien took it without hesitation, and the two of them walked out of Azriel’s room together.


End file.
